So well in Switzerland military service is mandatory so every guy has to do it, I really never ever wanted to do it because well I have better things to do. So I’ve been putting it off as much as I could.

My week of holidays were coming up, I was really happy, had tons of things planned to do and I was really looking forward to it, but all that happiness ended when my mom said “You have an ‘orde de marche’ and you have to go on Tuesday and come back on Thursday” wow… talk about a mood kill I was devastated all my plans gone down the drain…..

So Tuesday morning came and I had my bag packed… at the last minute obviously… I forgot a few things… wooops… I reached there it was depressing. I signed up gave in my military service book, got my number (221) and was assigned to a room. I chose a bed, the top bunk (I didn’t know if I wanted to fall off or not… you can’t do military service with broken bones….) and we waited…. As the rest of the guys came in the room, the depression was thick, man everyone was really depressed in that room it was sad.

We did a lot of psychological tests on the computer, but I mean A LOT I answered them as honestly as possible, didn’t hide my “dark” side at all and well that went well. After we had to choose what we wanted to do in the military service and we had to watch a bunch of videos (dubbed in French from Swiss German …. Yea imagine the lip syncing!). While I was there I was speaking in Spanish to one of the military guys that was from Argentina. I hadn’t heard some one say “vos” in a long time… “hey vos maje!” yea good times… but I though that was a Honduran thing… oh well.

They have to see if we are healthy, so they do a bunch of check ups, almost everything except blood work, so the first was the physical check up… yep the doctor checks your testicles, I really see what the point of this is, but they do it individually now instead of having everyone in a room together to get “check” meh it wasn’t so bad… but yea…
After they checked my eyes, lungs, heart, ears and etc

The evening was cool, we were sent back to our rooms to wait for dinner, but the guys started talking and they were pretty cool, I had to use my French but I didn’t care and we got along. We were joking about what a horrible job the doctors must have… yea they see like 30,000 (x2) balls a year… yea… while we were talking I was writing a letter to “Brownie” woops I lost a page… sorry… sent some sms’s and stuff then it was time for some more tests then bed. After that we chatted some more then went to sleep.

The second day, we have breakfast then a French test and more psychological tests. The French test was easy at first, but after a while I got bored and started clicking random answers yea… ( I was trying to get out of the military hoping my French wasn’t good enough…) and then we moved to the psychological tests, I get called half way through it to go see the psychologist. Fun I supposed, she told me in my French exam I got the average. Like most French people do… I was like “WHAT?!?” I can’t believe I failed at failing a damn test. That’s sad as hell. Anyways I told the lady (she was pretty and had nice eyes… I know because I was having a ton of eye contact with her… anyways…) all about my messed up life and all the crap in Honduras (seeing dead people… getting shot at… 3 times… how supportive my mom has not been etc) also told her about how me and my mom don’t have a normal relationship, In fact we don’t have much of a relationship, plus I told her I was depressed and a lot of other stuff… In fact I was there so long I was making my group late for the physical endurance tests… yea then I saw another psychologist making my group even later so that was fun….

We did the tests, the jump, I did well in that. The balance test, I did well in that too. The weird back endurance thingy test, I totally failed that because of a mistake woops…. The ball throw test, I did well in that. Then we had the hardest test the running, we had to run end to end keeping in time and every minute or so we would have to run faster and faster and faster. So we started running, my god was that hard to do because it was like 0 degrees in the damn room (pathetic heaters that actually made it colder….) after 9 min I gave up because I was the second to last guy left (12 people started) and I was wondering why the hell was I trying so hard I don’t want to be in the military service…

After we went back to ours rooms and waited till they told us our results, I got to see the psychologists again… yay… I don’t have to do the military service because I'm messed up in the head… wow I was so happy! Plus we got to leave early (Wednesday instead of Thursday!) so after doing a few more things I got to leave before most of the other guys (some fun games of “fossball” were played) and I left Lausanne to go home with a big smile on my face.

Once I got home I was happy and decided to relax a bit. When my mom came home I was greeted with a “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HOME EARLY?!?!” yea… you’d think a mother would be happy to see their son come home early from military service. But no she was pissed and got even more pissed after I told her I was “inapt” she even threatened to kick me out of the house… I just rolled my eyes at her… hmmmm well that answers why I'm messed up in the head…